LYRICS: I get out my stapler and staple the paper I put all the files into the right piles I get my employees some nice cups of coffee They have no idea that I'm secretly a -- Barbarian With sword and shield Barbarian Will never yield Barbarian With sword held high Barbarian, Barbarian, Barbarian My boss says to me that he don't like the coffee So I take out and show my sword named Dark Turbo Elite Crimson Glory bursting with fury But I did not know that he was also a -- Barbarian With sword and shield Barbarian Will never yield Barbarian With sword held high Barbarian, Barbarian, Barbarian

LYRICS: There is a place inside the zoo where they'll surely get to you There's nowhere to run or hide from the evil inside When the steel and fur collide, the new dawn shall rise This is the Age of Modern Times. The Age of -- Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Metal mashes, crashes, thrashes and destroys the masses Kids stop going to their classes to save their asses Hunting humans, deep protrusions, no more safe illusions No more lions, no more bears, there's just -- Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots Tigers and Robots

LYRICS: It was getting late, so I went to bed When I heard some noises just above my head Looked right above, and what did I see? Ninjas -- Fighting and flipping all over me They were doing ... Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic The Head Ninja looked right in my eyes Said, "Take my hand, you'll get a big surprise" Before I knew it, I was in the air Kicking and turning and bouncing everywhere I was doing ... Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Ninja Magic Kicking, turning, punching, spinning Diving, flipping in the air Tae Kwon Do, Ninjutsu Come and try it, you'll never land

LYRICS: No it's not her money or the way she combs her hair No it's not her cooking or the way she eats a pair Her face is like the North Pole, there are Eskimos in her eyes They moved in from Alaska 'cause she makes them warm inside Love at first sight Shines through the night She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy When I hear that voice of hers, it takes a hold of me It makes me want to go to the circus and set the baboons free I said, "Let's make castles in the sand, let's make angels in the snow. "Let's make dog food in a can, let's make babies at my home" She knocks my brains into my hips She makes my Jefferson Airplane into a Starship She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy

LYRICS: They think me mad Say I need help Because they don't understand And because I dress like the Keebler Elf But come meet my friend He lives in my home He takes up seven rooms I call him Ben The Worm In The Lair of the White Worm Kingdoms will fall Cities will squirm In The Lair of the White Worm Kingdoms will fall Cities will squirm In The Lair of the White, Lair of the White, Lair of the White -- Strike at those who taunt us Make all of them kneel Crawl through all their basements And bop them with your tail Slither through all their armies Immune to their bullets and shells Now, at the top of the world We become the new Keebler Elves In The Lair of the White Worm Kingdoms will fall Cities will squirm In The Lair of the White Worm Kingdoms will fall Cities will squirm In The Lair of the White, Lair of the White, Lair of the White Worm This world is our throne Keebler Cookies, we own Everyone knows Ben The Worm But not me, I don't He's got a velvet robe, a thousand dollar shower curtain A silver limo he doesn't fit in He runs every company purpose But he moved me to customer service I get yelled at by slackers who ate too many crackers I guess it's better than being a farmer But I raised Ben when he was a larvae I wanted power, to be immortal Not a job that is normal But my lesson has been learned I never should have entered The Lair of the White Worm In The Lair of the White Worm Kingdoms will fall Cities will squirm In The Lair of the White Worm Kingdoms will fall Cities will squirm In The Lair of the White, Lair of the White, Lair of the White Worm Fwah nah nah nah nah nah nah Squah nah nah nah nah Squiddel-lee squah Fwah nah nah nah nah nah nah Squah nah nah nah nah Squiddel-lee squah Fwah nah nah nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah nah

LYRICS: He's the Tuba Boy The power's in his hands With one toot on his horn He spreads magic through the land And lions purr and sharks meow and elves and gnomes stop fighting And beavers dance and squirrels jump and all throughout the night sing -- Hopping through the forest His tuba by his side His knowledge of his music is his only guide The creatures all come to him so they may sing and dance When he takes out his tuba, they almost shit their pants He's the Tuba Boy The power's in his hands With one toot on his horn He spreads magic through the land Then, coming up the path, it's the evil Lord Mumu And he has a big surprise; he has a tuba too Only he uses his tuba for evil and not for good He wants to conquer the whole world, just like his tuba could He's the Tuba Boy The power's in his hands With one toot on his horn He spreads magic through the land And lions purr and sharks meow and elves and gnomes stop fighting And beavers dance and squirrels jump and all throughout the night sing The boy stops in his path And faces Lord Mumu Then he takes out his tuba And they have their sacred duel Go! (Spoken during solos) Lord Mumu: Is that all you got, Tuba Boy? Well that's not enough. Check this out! Tuba Boy: Oh yeah, Lord Mumu? You think you're pretty good? Well I got something else for ya. I got something right here. Lord Mumu: Hey, waitaminute, what are you doing? Wait a minute, you can't just shoot -- (Gunshots) He's the Tuba Boy The power's in his hands With one toot on his horn He spreads magic through the land And lions purr and sharks meow and elves and gnomes stop fighting And beavers dance and squirrels jump and all throughout the night sing -- Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing Bumpity, bumpity, boing (Boing!) Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing Bump, bump, bump, bump boing (Boing!) Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing Bumpity, bumpity, boing (Boing!) Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing Bump, bump, bump, bump boing (Boing!)

LYRICS: Ever since I was a young boy I have sucked at football Even at Tolbert Middle School I was the worst one of them all But I ain't seen nothing like him In any bathroom stall That big hairy fat kid Sure sucks at football He runs like a statue He's not part of the team Even when he's stretching You can hear him gasp and wheeze He sneaks Hershey Kisses Deep inside his belt That big fuckin' fat kid Sure sucks at football He's a Football Fat-Ass Must be quite a trip A Football Fat-Ass Got so many fucking chins How do ya think he does it? I don't know How'd he get so fat? Even at my lunch table He eats every chicken breast Osmosis leads him in And he just does the rest Got great big stubby fingers, never seen him use a fork That big hairy fat kid Sure sucks at football I thought I was a pretty chubby kid But I can talk to girls because of him I went to visit my girlfriend She was busy all week I went up near her bedroom I could hear that fat boy wheeze I looked through the keyhole Nearly went deaf, dumb and blind That big hairy fat kid makes me want to chop off my balls

LYRICS: Head of the class A grade A student They call me "prim" They call me "prudent" In the chemistry lab doing extra credit I couldn't figure it out I just couldn't get it I reached for my juice but it tasted strange All of a sudden, I began to change I actually drank my chemistry concoction And ever since that day, I've been rockin' I am no longer your favorite nerd I'm now and forever -- Uncouth Youth The formula gave me a brand new soul One with Rock N' Roll Uncouth Youth Kicked out of school And out of my home Now like a wolf I will roam Goodbye Mom, I'll be late for supper Maybe your son will die in a gutter Or maybe he's found his special dream A guitar, a keyboard and a Rock N' Roll Scream Playin' everywhere, found myself a lady Cut a quick demo The label said "Maybe" I am no longer your favorite nerd I'm now and forever -- Uncouth Youth The formula gave me a brand new soul One with Rock N' Roll Uncouth Youth I am the fist that breaks through the wall I am the one you call Uncouth Youth I am not Skippy from Family Ties I am what you despise Uncouth Youth (Attitude-filled spoken word rant)

LYRICS: Flying through the night Do you see them there? See them with your eyes And not with your hair As they storm the land You must clear their path Or be crushed by the -- Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather -- Leather -- On a night like this The Leather Gods will soar They will fly to heights Never reached before All the People Scream Because they want more They all love the -- Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather -- Leather -- Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather Gods Leather -- Leather --

LYRICS: George Washington rested with his men in the land of Valley Forge They needed time to heal from the wounds they had suffered during the war Off in the distance he saw some shapes he thought were his England foes But it was something more, it was something new, it was the march of Satan's Commandos Satan's Commandos Go where no man goes Satan's Commandos Are what no man knows Lonnie the Midget was a circus performer He liked to walk on wires He always told the people at the circus to "Make the tightrope higher" One day he slipped and he tripped and he fell And he went right through the landboards It was no mistake, it was no bad luck It was the wrath of Satan's Commandos Satan's Commandos Go where no man goes Satan's Commandos Are what no man knows Company halt!

LYRICS: Screams in the jungle Piercing through the darkened skies Blood of the monkeys Is on the world's hands tonight They cry out in terror But no one can understand them Because they are monkeys They have no choice but to summon the -- Neon Crusader Fluorescent savior Neon Crusader Fluorescent savior They're always shot off into outer space They're always tested on inside labs They're treated like they're in that video game Where you can make your hockey players thin, medium and fat They've waited for far too long To fight alongside their champion Half monkey, half god All warrior, all neon Neon Crusader Fluorescent savior Neon Crusader Fluorescent savior Rise up, don't give up Call no man your master Fight 'til the last breath And drive them bannannas Give us our jungle back

LYRICS: (Groaning) When I was thirteen years old My dad pushed me off a boat He said, "This'll make you a man. "One day you'll understand." Nearby I could hear my mom She said, "What the fuck's going on" As I fell through the lake All I could do was say -- Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Then when I turned eighteen I went to Chuck E. Cheese I ate all their cake and pizza With the new topping cheeses But I remembered then I'm lactose intolerant They took me to the ER And they heard me scream from afar Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump Everybody jump! Everybody jump! (Groaning)