1. |
Barbarian
02:53
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LYRICS:
I get out my stapler and staple the paper
I put all the files into the right piles
I get my employees some nice cups of coffee
They have no idea that I'm secretly a --
Barbarian
With sword and shield
Barbarian
Will never yield
Barbarian
With sword held high
Barbarian, Barbarian, Barbarian
My boss says to me that he don't like the coffee
So I take out and show my sword named Dark Turbo
Elite Crimson Glory bursting with fury
But I did not know that he was also a --
Barbarian
With sword and shield
Barbarian
Will never yield
Barbarian
With sword held high
Barbarian, Barbarian, Barbarian
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2. |
Tigers and Robots
02:31
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LYRICS:
There is a place inside the zoo where they'll surely get to you
There's nowhere to run or hide from the evil inside
When the steel and fur collide, the new dawn shall rise
This is the Age of Modern Times. The Age of --
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Metal mashes, crashes, thrashes and destroys the masses
Kids stop going to their classes to save their asses
Hunting humans, deep protrusions, no more safe illusions
No more lions, no more bears, there's just --
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
Tigers and Robots
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3. |
Ninja Magic
03:22
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LYRICS:
It was getting late, so I went to bed
When I heard some noises just above my head
Looked right above, and what did I see?
Ninjas -- Fighting and flipping all over me
They were doing ...
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
The Head Ninja looked right in my eyes
Said, "Take my hand, you'll get a big surprise"
Before I knew it, I was in the air
Kicking and turning and bouncing everywhere
I was doing ...
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Ninja Magic
Kicking, turning, punching, spinning
Diving, flipping in the air
Tae Kwon Do, Ninjutsu
Come and try it, you'll never land
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4. |
Amazing Adult Fantasy
03:15
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LYRICS:
No it's not her money or the way she combs her hair
No it's not her cooking or the way she eats a pair
Her face is like the North Pole, there are Eskimos in her eyes
They moved in from Alaska 'cause she makes them warm inside
Love at first sight
Shines through the night
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
When I hear that voice of hers, it takes a hold of me
It makes me want to go to the circus and set the baboons free
I said, "Let's make castles in the sand, let's make angels in the snow.
"Let's make dog food in a can, let's make babies at my home"
She knocks my brains into my hips
She makes my Jefferson Airplane into a Starship
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
She's my Amazing Adult Fantasy
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5. |
Lair of the White Worm
04:16
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LYRICS:
They think me mad
Say I need help
Because they don't understand
And because I dress like the Keebler Elf
But come meet my friend
He lives in my home
He takes up seven rooms
I call him Ben The Worm
In The Lair of the White Worm
Kingdoms will fall
Cities will squirm
In The Lair of the White Worm
Kingdoms will fall
Cities will squirm
In The Lair of the White, Lair of the White, Lair of the White --
Strike at those who taunt us
Make all of them kneel
Crawl through all their basements
And bop them with your tail
Slither through all their armies
Immune to their bullets and shells
Now, at the top of the world
We become the new Keebler Elves
In The Lair of the White Worm
Kingdoms will fall
Cities will squirm
In The Lair of the White Worm
Kingdoms will fall
Cities will squirm
In The Lair of the White, Lair of the White, Lair of the White Worm
This world is our throne
Keebler Cookies, we own
Everyone knows Ben The Worm
But not me, I don't
He's got a velvet robe, a thousand dollar shower curtain
A silver limo he doesn't fit in
He runs every company purpose
But he moved me to customer service
I get yelled at by slackers who ate too many crackers
I guess it's better than being a farmer
But I raised Ben when he was a larvae
I wanted power, to be immortal
Not a job that is normal
But my lesson has been learned
I never should have entered The Lair of the White Worm
In The Lair of the White Worm
Kingdoms will fall
Cities will squirm
In The Lair of the White Worm
Kingdoms will fall
Cities will squirm
In The Lair of the White, Lair of the White, Lair of the White Worm
Fwah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Squah nah nah nah nah
Squiddel-lee squah
Fwah nah nah nah nah nah nah
Squah nah nah nah nah
Squiddel-lee squah
Fwah nah nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah
Nah nah nah nah nah
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6. |
Tuba Boy
03:08
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LYRICS:
He's the Tuba Boy
The power's in his hands
With one toot on his horn
He spreads magic through the land
And lions purr and sharks meow and elves and gnomes stop fighting
And beavers dance and squirrels jump and all throughout the night sing --
Hopping through the forest
His tuba by his side
His knowledge of his music is his only guide
The creatures all come to him so they may sing and dance
When he takes out his tuba, they almost shit their pants
He's the Tuba Boy
The power's in his hands
With one toot on his horn
He spreads magic through the land
Then, coming up the path, it's the evil Lord Mumu
And he has a big surprise; he has a tuba too
Only he uses his tuba for evil and not for good
He wants to conquer the whole world, just like his tuba could
He's the Tuba Boy
The power's in his hands
With one toot on his horn
He spreads magic through the land
And lions purr and sharks meow and elves and gnomes stop fighting
And beavers dance and squirrels jump and all throughout the night sing
The boy stops in his path
And faces Lord Mumu
Then he takes out his tuba
And they have their sacred duel
Go!
(Spoken during solos)
Lord Mumu:
Is that all you got, Tuba Boy? Well that's not enough. Check this out!
Tuba Boy:
Oh yeah, Lord Mumu? You think you're pretty good? Well I got something else for ya. I got something right here.
Lord Mumu:
Hey, waitaminute, what are you doing? Wait a minute, you can't just shoot --
(Gunshots)
He's the Tuba Boy
The power's in his hands
With one toot on his horn
He spreads magic through the land
And lions purr and sharks meow and elves and gnomes stop fighting
And beavers dance and squirrels jump and all throughout the night sing --
Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing
Bumpity, bumpity, boing (Boing!)
Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing
Bump, bump, bump, bump boing (Boing!)
Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing
Bumpity, bumpity, boing (Boing!)
Bumpity, bumpity, bumpity boing
Bump, bump, bump, bump boing (Boing!)
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7. |
Football Fat-Ass
02:30
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LYRICS:
Ever since I was a young boy
I have sucked at football
Even at Tolbert Middle School
I was the worst one of them all
But I ain't seen nothing like him
In any bathroom stall
That big hairy fat kid
Sure sucks at football
He runs like a statue
He's not part of the team
Even when he's stretching
You can hear him gasp and wheeze
He sneaks Hershey Kisses
Deep inside his belt
That big fuckin' fat kid
Sure sucks at football
He's a Football Fat-Ass
Must be quite a trip
A Football Fat-Ass
Got so many fucking chins
How do ya think he does it?
I don't know
How'd he get so fat?
Even at my lunch table
He eats every chicken breast
Osmosis leads him in
And he just does the rest
Got great big stubby fingers, never seen him use a fork
That big hairy fat kid
Sure sucks at football
I thought I was a pretty chubby kid
But I can talk to girls because of him
I went to visit my girlfriend
She was busy all week
I went up near her bedroom
I could hear that fat boy wheeze
I looked through the keyhole
Nearly went deaf, dumb and blind
That big hairy fat kid makes me want to chop off my balls
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8. |
Uncouth Youth
02:55
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LYRICS:
Head of the class
A grade A student
They call me "prim"
They call me "prudent"
In the chemistry lab doing extra credit
I couldn't figure it out
I just couldn't get it
I reached for my juice but it tasted strange
All of a sudden, I began to change
I actually drank my chemistry concoction
And ever since that day, I've been rockin'
I am no longer your favorite nerd
I'm now and forever --
Uncouth Youth
The formula gave me a brand new soul
One with Rock N' Roll
Uncouth Youth
Kicked out of school
And out of my home
Now like a wolf
I will roam
Goodbye Mom, I'll be late for supper
Maybe your son will die in a gutter
Or maybe he's found his special dream
A guitar, a keyboard and a Rock N' Roll Scream
Playin' everywhere, found myself a lady
Cut a quick demo
The label said "Maybe"
I am no longer your favorite nerd
I'm now and forever --
Uncouth Youth
The formula gave me a brand new soul
One with Rock N' Roll
Uncouth Youth
I am the fist that breaks through the wall
I am the one you call
Uncouth Youth
I am not Skippy from Family Ties
I am what you despise
Uncouth Youth
(Attitude-filled spoken word rant)
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9. |
Leather Gods
03:22
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LYRICS:
Flying through the night
Do you see them there?
See them with your eyes
And not with your hair
As they storm the land
You must clear their path
Or be crushed by the --
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather --
Leather --
On a night like this
The Leather Gods will soar
They will fly to heights
Never reached before
All the People Scream
Because they want more
They all love the --
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather --
Leather --
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather Gods
Leather --
Leather --
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10. |
Satan's Commandos
01:38
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LYRICS:
George Washington rested with his men in the land of Valley Forge
They needed time to heal from the wounds they had suffered during the war
Off in the distance he saw some shapes he thought were his England foes
But it was something more, it was something new, it was the march of Satan's Commandos
Satan's Commandos
Go where no man goes
Satan's Commandos
Are what no man knows
Lonnie the Midget was a circus performer
He liked to walk on wires
He always told the people at the circus to "Make the tightrope higher"
One day he slipped and he tripped and he fell
And he went right through the landboards
It was no mistake, it was no bad luck
It was the wrath of Satan's Commandos
Satan's Commandos
Go where no man goes
Satan's Commandos
Are what no man knows
Company halt!
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11. |
Neon Crusader
03:12
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LYRICS:
Screams in the jungle
Piercing through the darkened skies
Blood of the monkeys
Is on the world's hands tonight
They cry out in terror
But no one can understand them
Because they are monkeys
They have no choice but to summon the --
Neon Crusader
Fluorescent savior
Neon Crusader
Fluorescent savior
They're always shot off into outer space
They're always tested on inside labs
They're treated like they're in that video game
Where you can make your hockey players thin, medium and fat
They've waited for far too long
To fight alongside their champion
Half monkey, half god
All warrior, all neon
Neon Crusader
Fluorescent savior
Neon Crusader
Fluorescent savior
Rise up, don't give up
Call no man your master
Fight 'til the last breath
And drive them bannannas
Give us our jungle back
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12. |
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LYRICS:
(Groaning)
When I was thirteen years old
My dad pushed me off a boat
He said, "This'll make you a man.
"One day you'll understand."
Nearby I could hear my mom
She said, "What the fuck's going on"
As I fell through the lake
All I could do was say --
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Then when I turned eighteen
I went to Chuck E. Cheese
I ate all their cake and pizza
With the new topping cheeses
But I remembered then
I'm lactose intolerant
They took me to the ER
And they heard me scream from afar
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump
Everybody jump!
Everybody jump!
(Groaning)
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The KMX Band Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
The KMX Band is the only Metal band in history to have a singer that almost always wears the same shirt. It is also the only
band in the Philadelphia area in which a former drummer once urinated on the couch of another former drummer.
But perhaps more importantly, The KMX Band is the only Traditional Metal band in the world that will sing about robots, tigers, demons and chocolate.
... more
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